So…..I know it has been a while since I posted on here. I’ve had things going on. Work and kiddos take up a lot of time!
How have things been going you might ask? Well…..um….slow and steady wins the race…..right? I have had a lot of highs and lows over the last several weeks. My greatest conquest has been finding a creamer alternative for my coffee. This week I think I have finally found a solution. 1 Teaspoon of coconut oil and three table spoons of milk. Low sugar content, high on the yummy scale. Plus everything you read says coconut oil is good for you!
One thing I haven’t spent much time talking about yet is my new endeavor to go to the gym. I joined the gym on the campus where I work because they have an indoor walking track. I have been going every week 2 to 3 times a week and walking between 1 and 2 miles. I like it! I haven’t missed a week yet! To be honest, it will take getting into a regular exercise routine for me to start getting motivated to eat better. I think it is something about FEELING like I am doing something physical that sparks a desire to do something mental and work on changing the foods that are going into my body. By the way….we’re not even going to talk about the foods that are going into my body right now. I should mention that Fat Tuesday was this week. Yep…I enjoyed it!
However, I do want to talk some about my body image. As a matter of fact, I pretty much composed this post while walking on the track last night. So….I am a people watcher. I love observing people in their natural habitat. The gym is a fine place to do things. I gotta say that I love the gym I am at. There are hefty people there. Ya know….it isn’t one of those gyms where the only people you see are those skinny folks that never gain a serious ounce anywhere on their body. I’ve been a member of that gym too…..I never went after joining. This gym has people of all shapes, sizes, and abilities. I LOVE that! It is great. It is good to feel like I fit in and that I’m not being judged for not looking like everyone else. I guess I might be just a tad self-conscious about my large and in charge size!
Well, last night while I was doing my laps I started thinking about my body. Now I have to say that I really don’t spend a lot of time focused on my appearance. I am not really a beauty conscious person. I am not on this weight loss journey because I want to be pretty. I just need to be healthy. So….I was thinking about my butt. When you are walking around a track people walk in front of you. If you care to observe, you will see a lot of different butts. Yep….I looked. I gotta say that mine is quite hefty. As a matter fact my grandmother always used to comment on my large butt. She would say something about me being born with a large but and that I would always have a large derriere. It’s true. I will. I like my butt. No matter how much I work out or change my eating habits….I will have a big butt. That is life. Same goes with my breasts….unless I pay someone to fix that. Well…I guess I could pay someone to make my butt smaller as well, but I like my big butt. I wouldn’t change it.
Now…one of my greatest anxieties, since having kids, is that I won’t be able to get rid of my belly flap. I’ve always been large in the belly, but two pregnancies have stretched things in new directions and now I have that shelf like front in my belly. Actually I mentally reference it as my butt belly (a belly that looks a little like a butt). It scares me to death! If I were to lose the 80lbs that I want to lose I think that the butt belly will still be there. I don’t want that. I hate the thought of that. It seems like such a letdown to know that if I work hard to lose the weight that I am still going to have this mass of extra skin. Have you ever seen pictures of those people who have extreme weight loss? I mean….like over 100lbs lost. They have stretched skin in all of the places that used to be fat (inner thighs, lower part of upper arms, and in their belly). I am assuming that it would require surgery to remove the excess skin.
This skin flap (aka butt belly) is my greatest fear and probably the greatest reason that I don’t want to really get involved in losing my weight. I don’t want that flap of skin on my belly. I guess it is vanity. It seems so mean for my body to do this to me! Now, I have mentioned this concern to my husband before and he says that the body has a way of handling these things and that the skin is miraculous. I don’t know that I believe him. I have to say that I am not really one that focuses on body image. I don’t wear makeup and most of the time I devote less than 5 minutes to figuring out what I’m going to wear for the day. I only wash my hair twice a week and I occasional wear a bracelet to work. That’s about it. But….I am hung up on one flap of skin that may or may not remain on my belly. Oh well….time will tell!