Ok…so I have avoided this blog site. What the heck! Why should a rational, sane person avoid a benign diary site? This blog has done nothing to me! It doesn’t write itself….I write it! What a powerful little tool this had the potential to become. A nonjudgmental accountability partner…who would have thought!
So one might ask….why have you been avoiding your own blog? I’ll tell you why. I suck! I have horrible restraint and I had a weekend of debauchery. Well…it may not be that bad, but I did have a prof in grad school tell me that I have a lot of catastrophic thinking. It was, and still is, a very accurate statement of my mental capacity. I tend to have a glass half empty in life. If the glass is half empty, then I am not anticipating that it will get fuller at any point 🙂 I seem to take the same approach with my eating and I know that it is probably part of what is working against me. When I have a small indiscretion, then I tell my self I have failed for the day. Once I have “failed” for the day the I adopt a “what the hell” attitude and just throw caution to the wind. If I am going to have a bad eating day it is going to be a MARVELOUS bad eating day!
I blame all of this on the snow. . 12 inches approximately. I hate snow! Now some might ask, if you are a cognitive behaviorist, how did the snow make you eat? Does snow have arms and a spoon? Nope. Does snow cook? Nope. Does snow taste good? Nope. I just hate snow, therefore I shall eat. Logical thinking….right?
Ok, so I can’t blame it on the snow. I do however blame it on being cooped up in the house with little to no opportunity to get out and roam. I also blame it on my propensity to “self medicate with food” when I am stressed. If you haven’t been cooped up in a house with a couple of wild boys (4.5 and 2.5 years old) then you truly don’t understand the need to “self medicate.” Food fills a need. It can’t be that bad you say. I say it can and is. When your one crutch is food, you lean on it. Just like a person with a head ache takes a pain reliever!
Ok…so here goes. I shall confess my sins on here. Monday was a HORRIBLE day. I ate pretty much all day. Lot’s of chocolate. I try to block these things out you know. Then Tuesday was worse. I had to go to work to take care of some paperwork for an 8am meeting on Wednesday. It took about TWO hours to get there. Have I mentioned that I hate snow? That left me with about 2 hours to get through everything I needed to do for the meeting. This would have all gotten done on Monday if l had worked….a foot of snow is enough to cancel classes apparently. I was busy in my office and all I ate was a yogurt. By the time I got home that afternoon I was a hot mess, plus my 2.5 year old wouldn’t take his nap so I had two crazy kiddos bopping around. By the time Tony, my husband, got home I was nuts! My relief….a whole pizza, yep you read that right, a few glasses of sweet moscoto (I refuse to disclose the actual amount), Doritos, and finished off with a large amount of those brookside chocolates. CRASH!
Unfortunately the punishment that followed was by way of a sleepless night (too much chocolate wine). However Wednesday was a better day. I was up at 4am, at the gym by 5:45 and working my way through a series of meetings and classes by 8am. A nice, regimented day with responsibilities and expectations. Plus a good two miles on the walking track at the gym. Much better eating day! Yesterday was good. Today will be better!