Some Victories….Some Defeats

Contemplation is the word and I’ve been doing some of it.  It is hard not to think about what you are doing when you are working toward changing an ingrained behavior that has been around for quite some time….um almost one’s whole life. Some day I will write about my weight struggles, maybe I will post a picture 🙂 Trust me, I have always been pleasantly plump.

As I was taking my shower today the thoughts started to roll through my head.  I have to say that the first month of my journey has been just as the title says…some victories and some defeats. I haven’t really mentioned this yet, but ironically I teach a behavior modification class.  Now…the irony behind that is that I have often used myself (and my family) for short term change and to potty train my oldest, but this is the first time I am dedicated to following through with “practicing what I preach” so to speak.

WARNING…mini lecture ahead: One of the first things I teach my students is that it is very important to collect baseline data.  Baseline data is crucial to determining where your behavior is at, numerically speaking, and it helps determine some of the influences in your environment that are contributing to the behavior that you are wanting to change. Once you start modifying your behavior you continue to document your data, then at the end of your modification you compare your baseline data to your completion data.  My students actually do this and write a paper.

So….a few things I’ve learned from my baseline data. 1) I was eating WAY too many calories, 2) I was eating so much sugar that I am surprised that I haven’t turned into a lolly pop, 3) I have a SERIOUS problem with chocolate, 4) I lead a sedentary lifestyle (even though I teach), 5) I love food and have a serious issue with mentally obsessing about it, and 6) I need to start eating breakfast.

Let’s talk a little bit about defeats.  I know that one should focus on successes and not defeats, but personally I know that if I can’t get real with myself this whole thing is going to go bust! I personally believe that if you can’t be honest with yourself and admit that what you are doing isn’t helping, then you have set your self up for failure.  This whole blog thing is about me getting honest with my mental self! I can do the physical work (i.e. exercise and eating),  but getting my head screwed on right is a whole other issue.  Let’s equate this to someone addicted to a drug.  There are many out there with the attitude that a person can stop using at any time. That is not true….talk to an addict.  That person struggles to stop and tries to stop, but until they admit they have a problem (an Alcoholics Anonymous requirement) it is difficult for them to actually stop using.  I have to admit I have a problem with food.  I am getting there!  Food has become an obsession for me rather than a means of nourishment and survival.  Food is about how wonderful it tastes.  Food should be about getting a balanced diet that keeps me in optimal shape. Hypothetical speaking, lets say my car LOVES diesel. It tastes wonderful.  However it is not what my car needs….it is what my car wants.  If I give my car diesel it will kill it. Food can’t be about what I want, it needs to be about what I need.  Currently my body wants chocolate….in mass quantities and this is my greatest defeat this month.  I caved! Yesterday was a chocolate day. NOT GOOD! My body wants carbs and yummies.  I am still eating a diet that is not nutrient rich….it is cheese and bread rich. Those are small defeats that need to be addressed at some point.

Now, before you all get into a tizzy about not addressing my successes and only focusing on the negatives.  I am actually quite proud of the fact that I am starting to gain insight. Let’s start off with my biggest success.  Coffee Creamer 🙂 Two simple words, one big impact on my life.  Well….I love the International Delights Carmel Macchiato creamer A LOT!.  However, I have discovered that I go bust on my sugar count before I get past breakfast and I don’t even eat breakfast! That creamer is so sugar laden, not to mention all of the other fun chemicals included, that it was completely annihilating the sugar grams that MFP (my fitness pal) has identified for my daily allotment. I kicked creamers but last week.  I am now drinking only one 16 ounce cup of coffee in the mornings (used to be two) and I measure out 1 tablespoon of creamer for it.  I had never measured creamer before, but I am pretty sure I was probably using about 3T per cup 😦 (1T has 5g of sugar…that would be 30g of sugar in the morning). Bye bye creamer! One other success this month…I joined a gym.  Yep, that cliched January gym membership!  However this gym has an indoor walking track. An indoor walking track is something that I have missed since leaving Kentucky (and WKU). I am actually walking about 2 miles two times per week.  That is more than I have done in the past.

Now, there are several more successes and a few more defeats, but it looks like I have already written a lot for today so I will stop now!



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