I am fat and I am not proud of it.

Here we go.  I am tired.  I am tired of being fat.  I am tired because of the extra weight I am carrying around.  I am tired of having achy knees.  I am tired of worrying that I could drop dead any day from a heart attach or stroke.

I am ready to work on change.  Geeze…..let’s do it.  I have to say that I am in a place where it is time to do something different.  What brought you to this point one might ask. The extra 8 pounds I added to my already overweight frame over the Christmas Holiday this year.  Yep…EIGHT pounds!  It was something about those eight pounds that has tipped the scale (pardon the pun). Maybe it was the rapid weight gain is a small period of time that rattled my cage..I don’t know what did it, but it has got to change!

So…a little about myself to get this whole change thing started.  I am a 6’1 female that, after the holidays, weighed 288 pounds. Holy Moly….I did just write that. Yep!  Now…personally I cannot even fathom what society really things about a GIRL weighing that much.  It goes against everything that media portrays as “woman.” Yep…288 lbs…you read it right.  Here’s the catch though….I spread it out nicely on my 6’1 frame! When I tell people I am overweight they just say…”nah, you look good.”  Liars! There is nothing about my body that is “good” at this point.  I actually lost 60lbs my freshman/sophmore year of college.  I went from about 240 down to about 180.  It was great!  I felt better than I had ever felt in my life….one might even venture to say that I was sexy. Sexy in a size 12. Some would say that 180 was still way too much for a female to weigh and the BMI would agree with those people, but my body would disagree.  I had all the right bones poking out in all the right places (hips and collar). I LOVED being 180.  Then I realized that all of my hair was falling out.  The problem, based on my readings, was probably due to my extreme limited caloric intake.  I literally ate less than about 1000 calories a day and lived on caffeine, as well as walking at least 3 miles a day probably 5 days a week.  That regimen melted away the pounds, but also caused me to have a lot of bruising and, well, make my hair fall out.  I had to stop that.  I started eating more…again.  Slowly the pounds started to stack back on.

By the time I was prepping for my wedding in 2007 I was probably back up to the 240lbs or so.  I can’t really remember.  Weighing in wasn’t really my thing.  I wasn’t going to the gym and I had a real job so I had real money and could buy whatever food I wanted. The problem is that I didn’t stop at 240….I just kept gaining.  Pregnancy was actually a blessed reprieve from weight gain, ironically. I had HORRIBLE morning sickness for basically 9 months.  I actually walked out of the hospital in May of 2010 weight less than I did when I got pregnant. I loved my post preggo body….then I breastfed and the weight came back. I LOVED eating and was starved for 18 months while breastfeeding my first….I think I may have added a few pounds beyond my pre-pregnancy weight by the time we got pregnant with #2 in 2011. Once again I walked out of the hospital in May of 2012 weighing less than I did when I got pregnant.  LOVED it….then I breastfed for 28 months….and gained it all back! Now, I don’t have numbers for these times in my life I just know that I probably topped out at 285 during each of my pregnancies and weight in at about 275 or so after my second pregnancy.  So….In the last two and a half years I have managed to stabilize my gain and keep it at about 5 pounds, but that changed at Christmas this year.  Did you hear me earlier….288lbs!

So…in November of 2014 I bought a vivofit from garmin.  It is quite harsh actually….this little red line tells you when you have been inactive for too long…I apparently am inactive a lot! To top things off, I had always thought that when I was teaching (I lecture at a community college) I was being active, but according to the vivofit….not so much so.  I was relying on that activity to keep me healthy!  What! It isn’t really activity? Damn! Gotta change that! In early January of this year I got into the whole MyFitnessPal thing.  OH GEEZE! That is one harsh site.  The best/worst part is that when you submit your daily eating it will tell you a projected weight, five weeks out, if you keep eating the way you did that day.  What an eyeopener! Gotta change. Then, to top things off, a friend posted an article about this dark, dirty looking place on the back of a persons neck. I have that!  My mom always told me I wasn’t taking a good enough bath. No matter how much I scrub it won’t come off! Come to find out it has a name…Acanthosis nigrican (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/acanthosis-nigricans/basics/symptoms/con-20025600).  To sum up that article….it is basically pre-diabetic indicator. I gotta change.

All of this brings me to today…..I am gonna change.  Today I weigh 280lbs. I checked.  I have fought hard since early January to get off the holiday weight.  Now I gotta get off the 80lbs that is weighing me down (my apologies for the pun). This is hopefully going to be a starting point.  I know it isn’t going to be easy, but I am going to try my darnedest!


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